Hi my name is Marjay and I am a recovering addict.
I came to NA in 1988 through a woman that was hired on at the place where I worked. I had
known that I was an addict from the time I was 16 and tried to quit after watching a friend jump
from a park tower and not fly if you know what I mean, I was to go next and when I saw that she
didn't fly I knew at that time that chances where I couldn't either, I couldn't even get down from
the tower to see if she was okay or not. I threw all my drugs in the trash after that, only to dig
them back out. I knew I was an addict and I just wasn't willing to stop, not for anyone.
Shortly after that I found myself alone and pregnant by someone I had only met once, then my
sister introduced me to a friend of her husbands, I thought he was going to be my savior, instead
he was my slayer. He beat the shit out of me for a year then I married him so he could beat me for
another two years. When I finally left him, after he had put me in the hospital, he kidnaped my
second child. The police said they could not do any thing because he was her natural father.
Once again I tried to stop the drugs so I could find her, and had no luck with either.
After going back to school, I got a job working with the disabled. I loved my job, it made me
feel like I was someone, and I did great work with my clients. I thought since I was working and
doing so well I must not be as bad as I thought I was, with my drug usage. Once again I was
wrong and even though I was making good money, I was living in my car most of the time. I felt
worse than ever, on the inside.
One day a lady came to work for us, she worked in a different part of town than I did, but for the same company. I remember the key chain she had, it said "Clean & Serene for Six Months" and "NA" on the flip side. I asked her what it meant and after she told me, I didn't have anything to do with her. Finally, I asked the question I had been wanting to ask and that was what took her to NA? She told me that before she had started going to NA meetings, she had felt as if someone had dropped her here from another planet, and left her all alone to die on earth.
By that evening, I still don't know how, she had talked me into going to a meeting with her. All I
can remember about that meeting is that I didn't want anything to do with anyone there. It was a
woman's meeting, and I hated women. The chair person spoke about how feeble she was. I was
a rebel. In my head "Never let anyone know when your down, that's when you get kicked you
know", was what I thought and lived by.
I once went to a therapist that told me, if there was ever a world war I would be one of the
survivors, but I should stop waiting for it, as if it was going to come in the next 10 minutes. This
women's therapist talked me into going to another NA meeting and another, until I was going
because I wanted to.
I was able to get six months of my own, and wanted to give back some of the peace and freedom I had gotten from the meetings, so I started helping with PI (Public Information) for NA and before I knew it five years had gone past and I was involved in a lot more than PI. Now I work with other recovering women trying to get and stay off the drugs (alcohol included).
Now happily married, back in touch with my oldest daughter, still working with other recovering addicts, I speak on drug abuse every time I get the chance, I love my life, but most important, I like and respect myself.
Clean Date 9/15/1988
"Proud to be an addict"